Touche......

[puppetmaster]

I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can't remember his name, it's P something T something R.

I was in this restaurant and I asked for something herby. They gave me a Volkswagen with no driver.

Batman came up to me & he hit me over the head with a vase & he went T'PAU! I said "Don't you mean KAPOW?? He said "No, I've got china in my hand."

[gushaven]

Ladies,
If a man says he will fix it, he will.
There's no need to remind him every six months about it. 

[gushaven]

Its not very often you see a smurfs arse, in fact it only happens once in a blue moon. 

[vaselino]

A fella was walking his dog through a grave yard when he sees a woman crouching behind a headstone. "morning" he says, woman replies " no Im having a dump"

[recre]

A guy sitting at a bar at Heathrow Terminal 3 noticed a really beautiful woman sitting next to him.

He thought to himself: "Wow, she's so gorgeous she must be an off duty flight attendant. But which airline does she work for?"

Hoping to pick her up, he leaned towards her and uttered the Delta slogan: "Love to fly and it shows?"

She gave him a blank, confused stare and he immediately thought to himself: "Damn, she doesn't work for Delta."

A moment later, another slogan popped into his head. He leaned towards her again, "Something special in the air?"

She gave him the same confused look. He mentally kicked himself, and scratched Singapore Airlines off the list.

Next he tried the Thai Airways slogan: "Smooth as Silk."

This time the woman turned on him, "What the **** do you want?"

The man smiled, then slumped back in his chair, and said "Ahhhhh, Ryanair!!!

[puppetmaster]

I've just seen a dyslexic yourkshire man wearing a cat flap!